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Wednesday, January 1, 2025

Books Read in 2024.

Hello, a happy 2025 to everyone.

Continuing the habit, here is a list of books I read in 2024.

1. A Fine Balance (Fiction) by Rohinton Mistry; The first book of the year has been generally disappointing in the past, but NOT this one. What a monumental piece of work. He is unflinching in his descriptions of squalor and filth as well as the caste atrocities. There are pages where I wanted to kill the author. His capacity to unleash tragedies one after the other is bordering on the insane. A very matter of fact, realistic book with no fictional liberties of justice catching up with the evil ones. Like in life, many get away after evil deeds and many suffer unjustly. Dina aunty, Maneck, Ishwar, Om, Shankar, Rajaram, the beggarmaster, Avinash, his sisters, his parents, Nusswan, Ruby, Dharamsi, monkeyman……… so many characters, but all neatly tied in the end. The last two pages alone deserve an award. Will stay with me for a long long time. Will try and catch up on his remaining 3 books too.

a.    Started on 18th December and finished on 13th January

b.    Recommended by Self

2.  Where Stones Speak – Historical Trails in Mehrauli, the First City of Delhi (Non-Fiction) by Rana Safvi; A nice book listing the historical attractions in and around Delhi. With some anecdotes and myths and history. The recommendation in the end tells you how to go and visit these places, how much time to allocate and other details.

a.  Started on 13th January and finished on 16th January

b. Recommended by self (after interacting with the author once)

3.  Troy (Mythical) by Stephen Fry; Fry tells you repeatedly “you do not have to remember all the names, the main characters will fall into place”. And, he is right. Reading the characters at the end was like walking through a maze, blindfolded and intoxicated. The main story itself was fabulous. The cunning of Odysseus, valor of Hector, skill of Achilles, beauty of Helen and the general depravity of all mortals and gods. Fry has made it easy to wade through and his wit is inimitable. A most satisfying read.

a.  Started on 16th January and finished on 23rd January

b. Gifted by Murali & Vidya, so counts as their recommendation.

4. Uncommon Type – some stories (Fiction) by Tom Hanks; An actor as capable as TH can also write! That itself is a plus. The general verdict is; this is just about average. Quite a few bordering on the pretentious. Who’s who, Go see Costas and Wang is perfect, These are the meditations of my heart, the past is important to us – are the stories that stand out as exceptional. The idea of keeping a typewriter in every story and achieving it was a lovely idea. Well executed. Never found a mention or presence of one jarring or superfluous.

a.    Started on 23rd January and finished on 31st January.

b.    Recommended by self

5. A Gentleman’s Word: The Legacy of Subhas Chandra Bose in Southeast Asia (Non-Fiction) by Nilanjana Sengupta; A revelation. I did not know so much about Bose. His respect for and empowerment of women stand out singularly as a great achievement. While Gandhi groomed women as Sita, Bose opted them to be Jhansi Ranis. His impatience, even to the extent of asking his mother “how can you not be disturbed” is infectious. His stand on anti-communalism is not a mere vote bank tactic or lip-service. The way he demonstrated his convictions is amazing. My respect for this man has increased now. All those who cast a doubt because of his interactions with Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan understand him superficially without realizing that he never compromised his principles, nor made compromises on his end goals. Once again we need to understand the meaning of the word “nuance” when trying to understand history.

a.    Started on 31st January and finished on 4th February

b.    Recommended by Arko

6. The Inheritance Of Loss (Fiction) by Kiran Desai; A few bits left open in the end. That is the way life unfolds, right? Not everything is neatly tied in the end. A story that looks at migrants, aspirations, class difference, revolution, and retribution. The language and the imagery are top notch. “Several generations to have their hearts in other places, their minds thinking about people elsewhere” and “Ashes have no weight, they tell no secrets, they rise too lightly for guilt; too lightly for gravity, they float upward and, thankfully, disappear” – the book is full of such brilliant observations. A satisfying read.

a.    Started on 6th February and finished on 11th February

b.    Recommended by self

7. If this is A Man (Non-Fiction) by Primo Levi; “If I was God, I would spit at Kuhn’s prayer”, “The living are demanding; the dead can wait” “Till I am ready for the chimney” “I am not even alive enough to think of how to kill myself”. Such a wonderful book with such deep insights into questioning the madness and trying to reason the unreasonable. The pain is felt on every page. How the inmates became something less than men. Devoid of feelings, waiting for the neighbor to die so that you can eat his ration. How theft is practiced with no shame or guilt. How the ONLY purpose was to live yet another day. That I have been to Auschwitz seven times already, seen those places he mentions, and familiar with the towns and names all make it more personal. A brilliant book. Cried the usual buckets.

a.    Started on 12th February and finished on 19th February

b.    Recommended by self

8. Too Loud A Solitude (Fiction) by Bohumil Hrabal; From defining solitude, to having so many disparate characters that are his trademark; a guy who takes photographs without a film roll, rats engaged in war in the sewers, endless beers, horny ladies, a woman who “only with a bed and a clear cut goal, built herself a home”…The end packed a punch that you did not see coming

a.    Started on 19th February and finished on 20th February

b.   All books of Hrabal are deemed as recommended by Naren

9. Einstein His Life and Universe (Non-Fiction) by Walter Isaacson; A wonderful book. Einstein had the same approach to life as that of the little prince. Curiosity guided him everywhere. Even after all these years, you find it difficult to understand his breakthrough theories. Even after Mr. Isaacson tried his best to present it in the simplest way. His adamant behavior in not accepting quantum physics personifies his entire faith; that the universe must obey simple rules. His humility stands above everything else. His prophetic remarks about Israel and Arabs haunted me as I happened to be reading the book when Israel was conducting its genocide in Gaza. A man of extreme intelligence, passionate, considerate and not without flaws. While religious believed in God because of miracles, the absence of miracles convinced him of order in the universe.

a.    Started on 21st February and finished on 26th March

b.    Recommended by self

10. The Idiot (Fiction – Bildungsroman) by Elif Batuman; One of those books that I picked up after reading the blurb. A good book. The writer has a sense for writing absurd scenes with poker faced seriousness. A mix of John Irving and PGW. Tremendous command over the language. A satisfying read.

a.    Started on 27th March and finished on 21st April

b.    Recommended by Self, a random pick up

11. The Other Name – Septology I-II (Fiction) by Jon Fosse; Gifted by Wojciech and a book by a Nobel Laureate at that. It is unlike any book that I have read before. The writing style is inconceivable. It is like you have a recorder that records your thoughts as you think without any redacting. An interesting read. The entire 339 pages that cover the first two volumes can be written in two paragraphs. Now will go and get the other books in the septology.

a.    Started on 22nd April and finished on 22nd May

b.    Gifted by Wojciech , so counted as his recommendation.

12. African Diary (Travelogue) by Bill Bryson; The author needs no recommendations. A quick and enjoyable read. The episode describing the origin of the name “Man-eater's junction” is vintage Bryson. His flying experience is another hilarious part in this small and lovely book.

a.    Started on 22nd May and finished on the same day

b.    Recommended by self.

13. Swadeshi Steam – V.O.Chidambaram Pillai and the Battle against the British Maritime Empire (Non-Fiction) by A.R.Venkatachalapthy; The book could have been a dreary material. Credit to the author to make it such an easy read. A lot of hard work goes behind when you read something simple – this book is a living proof of that statement. 40 years of research and obsession shows through every page. The vile British with all their devious ways to strangle a new establishment, the lukewarm locals not ready to loosen their purses and the steadfast determination of few individuals all add up to record how hard a struggle it was and it pains when you see that people do not acknowledge the freedom that they got. The efforts of Meenakshi, an illiterate woman, homebound fighting on so many fronts arranging VOC’s release while taking care of her family was a revelation. And the good old style of notes at the bottom of the page was such a relief. No need for two bookmarks.

a.    Started on 22nd May and finished on 31st May

b.    Recommended by self

14. Blood Meridian or The evening redness in the west (Fiction) by Cormac McCarthy; I have no idea what this book was about. Formless and elusive. His penchant for describing violence in its most elemental form is scary. The ongoing Euros2024 meant the book took longer to finish. But, I feel even otherwise it would have taken long. His writing style is brilliant and I just wish he had written something that made sense!

a.    Started on 1st June and finished on 1st July

b.    Recommended by self.

15. Appeasing Hindutva: An analysis of the nationalist LGBTQ discourse in India (Non-Fiction) by Aarthi Murali; The master’s thesis submission by my friend’s daughter. The title hooked me in and I am listing it as one of the books that I have read this year considering its length. An interesting point of view in explaining how the queer movement in India chooses to be political in its associations to get what it needs by aligning with right wing and local political groups and is often at crossroads with the left leaning queer movement. And how the SC which could have delivered a landmark judgment chose to opt a safer alternative indirectly supporting anti-minority sentiments.

a.    Started on 1st July and finished on 3rd July

b.    Recommended by Murali.

16. Prophet Song (Fiction) by Paul Lynch; A booker prize winner usually goes into your list. It was further strongly recommended by Mihir, who has never gone wrong with a recommendation so far. Easily the best booker prize winner I have read by a mile. What a work! I started this year with a Rohinton Mistry book and I wanted to kill that author for ripping my heart apart. Paul Lynch joins the queue. He was relentlessly chipping away at your stoicism and made sure you broke down and cried. Chapter 8 was a nightmare. I took a lie down after reading that chapter and went back only when I gathered enough strength to address the final chapter. “End of the world is always a local event” and “History is full of people who did not know when to leave” were two statements that will haunt me forever. He elaborates on the second statement with an even more powerful explanation. If Paul Lynch does not write another word, he is still assured a place among the best writers of his generation, even my generation.

a.    Started on 3rd July and finished on 13th July

b.    Recommended by self and Mihir.

17. People, Power and Profits – Progressive Capitalism For An Age of Discontent (Non-Fiction) by Joseph E. Stiglitz; His clarity and depth of knowledge are amazing. A Nobel winner, so it should come as no surprise. What he points out are so elementary that it stuns you to see the level of inaction in the world. Money has become the king. He explains how tax is not a bad word. Explains inequality as the basic malady. Democracy, an active media, checks and balances, no monopoly or monopsony, need to invest in research, need for competition – all ingredients needed for a robust economy. It is still possible but increasingly looking unlikely. Some statistics are mindboggling. 25% of all prisoners are in the USA while UAS accounts only for 5% of the world population. 5% of the workforce in the USA is from prisons! Land of the free, indeed! A government can never be the solution, only the problem is simply wrong. Well worded.

a.    Started on 14th July and finished on 30th July

b.    Recommended by Ujval.

18. Pyre (Fiction) by Perumal Murugan; A brutal Murugan weaving his magic. The blurb prepares you for a tragedy but even that preparation is not enough. I will need to take a break for a day or two before I start my next book. I need something light, so will probably pick up a Bryson.

a.    Started and finished on 31st July

b.    Recommended by Self

19. India after Gandhi (Non-Fiction) by Ramachandra Guha; For some reasons, though the title clearly says otherwise, I thought this was another book on Gandhi when I bought this. I can’t recommend a better book for contemporary history of India since independence. He has successfully kept his bias out of the narrative. A wonderful study on India. The repeated obituaries written about India by outsiders as well as from those within make the survival of India all the more commendable. A nation without a common language, a common enemy or a war/revolution shaping its formation is a commendable feat. The epilogue forms a perfect coda questioning if democracy survives in India. 50-50 is an apt summary. A brilliant book. I ended up buying a Tamil book through the author’s recommendation and earmarked two more.

a.    Started on 1st August and finished on 2nd September

b.    Recommended by self

20. 18-avadhu Atchakodu (Fiction – Tamil) by Ashokamitran; Mr. Guha mentioned this book in his notes. A chance trip to India ensured that I could get a copy, thanks to the ever reliable staff at Higginbotham. Reading a book in Tamil after a long time and the reading was a bit slow. A fictional account of the Hyderabad merger after the independence through the eyes of a common man, almost a coming of age story. What could have been one of the countless accounts of a historic event told as a story transforms into a piece of work that will haunt you forever with just three paragraphs on the last page. Massive respect for this man.

a.    Started on 3rd September and finished on 6th September

b.    Recommended by Ramachandra Guha.

21. How To Stop Time (Fiction) by Matt Haig; Pretentious and as all pretentious things go, crap. A waste of time. The recommendations and reviews by magazines and other celebrities come as a surprise. A disappointing book. The blurb reminded me of the 2007 film The Man from Earth and that is one of the reasons why I bought this book. Sigh.

a.   Started on 7th September and finished on 10th September

b.    Recommended by self.

22. Backstage – The Story Behind India’s High Growth Years (Non-Fiction) by Montek Singh Ahluwalia; A book that lists the economic challenges that India faced and some near miracles that saved the nation. The single biggest gain for me would be knowing the full story behind the sensational 2G scam. And how media driven witch hunt can derail actual progress potential. A good record of the actual growth and the policy decisions that shaped the growth. Towards the end one could not shake off the feeling that comparisons between UPA and NDA periods appeared a bit political. Inevitable, probably. A readable account of a fantastic period of India as well his whole life.

a.  Started on 11th September and finished on 17th September

b.  Recommended by Self

23. Rosarita (Fiction) by Anita Desai; A simple and deep story. The prose of Ms. Desai is elegant and enticing. A story of partition and the revolution, a story of parent and children, a story of exploration and finding. Satish Gujral would have been so happy had he been alive to read this. Any further discussion on the plot will involve spoilers. An enjoyable read.

a.  Started on 17th September and finished on 18th September

b.  Recommended by self

24. The world goes on (Fiction) by Laszlo Krasznahorkai; A mixed bag. I would not label this as fiction. Some parts were exceptional and others complete drivel. The writing style reminded me of Jon Fosse’s. Can’t understand it being good enough to win The Man booker International!

a.  Started on 19th September and finished on 24th September

b.  Recommended by self

25. Chronicles of a liquid society (Essays) by Umberto Eco: A collection of his newspaper columns. Written in his inimitable wit. A pleasure to read.

a.    Started on 24th September and finished on 7th October

b.    Gifted by Pavel, so counts as his recommendation.

26. Maha Periyavar (Tamil – Non Fiction) by Indira Soundarrajan; Maha Periyavar was a man who commanded respect. He does not need books like these that borders on flattery. Read the book as my mother kept following up.

a.  Started on 7th October and finished on 10th October.

b. I gifted it to my mom who returned it to me – so self recommendation

27. Godel, Escher, Bach: an Eternal Golden Braid (Non-Fiction) by Douglas R. Hofstadter; Exceptionally brilliant and insanely frustrating in equal parts. There were moments I was certain that I was reading some of the most original, daring and clear thoughts ever conceived by a human mind, and there were times I was left wondering WTF am I reading…. A mixed bag but quite an exceptional book.

a.    Started on 11th October and finished on 10th November

b.    Recommended by Lubomir Paroha

28. Yellowface (Fiction) by Rebecca F Kuang; The book started well and proceeded brilliantly and then just faded and disintegrated. Could have been an exceptional book but ended as a tepid one. A fast read after the sloth paced GEB prior to this and that is the only redeeming factor.

a.    Started on 10th November and finished on 11th November

b.    Recommended by The Guardian

29. Notes from a big country (Non-Fiction) by Bill Bryson; What needs to be said about Bryson. The master of his genre. Had me laughing throughout the book. A genius.

a.   Started on 11th November and finished on 14th November.

b.   Recommended by self

30. Chip War (Non-Fiction) by Chris Miller; If history and importance of semiconductors and chips, a thoroughly technical and political issue, were to be written by Robert Ludlum, this would be it. A timely topic and engagingly written. How few firms like TSMC and ASML hold the fate of the world in their hands and how little anyone realizes it is amazing. And those visionaries who shaped the semiconductor / chip industry in the early years in silicon valley has been told countless times and it always inspires you once more. A brilliant read.

a.   Started on 14th November and finished on 22nd November

b.   Recommended by Sean

31. The bookshop woman (Fiction) by Nanako Hanada; A good read. It could have been a much shorter book. But if it is really the life story of the author (supported by the fact that she is now running a bookshop in Japan), then it is really impressive. The love for books shines through and one can relate to it easily.

a.   Started on 22nd November and finished on 24th November

b.   Recommended by self.

Book #32 has crept into 2025. When the book in question is a 800+ page behemoth with a font size 10, you can understand and forgive.

This year I merged my hobby of sketching to give an additional layer of personalization to my blog. The idea was given by my daughter who in fact picked it up from a random Twitter post. Thanks to Akshaya and the twitter handle @mrs_g_rider



See you all again in 12 months’ time.

 

 

         

Thursday, November 14, 2024

Hello Coffee, my old friend!

I recently bought a coffeemaker. 

If you are already smiling, you are not my friend. Get the hell out of here. As I do not have a lot of money, nor any reliable lawyer (oxymoron?) to defend me against these mighty corporates, I shall not mention the brand here. My wife had that resigned look on her face whenever I decided to buy a new gadget/appliance. She tried to visualize if there was any space left in that cellar of ours, the designated cemetery where all my previous, impulsive purchases have ended. The last time she tried to open it (the door opens inwards) she could not crack the door open beyond a few inches. I myself have not been farther in, in recent times. I would not be surprised, should I ever decide to clean it up, if on cleaning, a family of bears in hibernation should emerge. Or the Department of Atomic Energy should arrive with Geiger counters and hazmat suits and declare the whole residential area unfit for human occupation for the next three hundred years. 

Back to the coffeemaker.

The Styrofoam inside the outer casing must have been inserted by an extraterrestrial. I tried to slip my finger in between the Styrofoam and the outer carton to slide it easily out. It has zero sense to do it. The most efficient way is to tear the carton away or destroy the Styrofoam to get to the coffee maker. But, I have this strange obsession (is there a natural obsession?) when it comes to unwrapping. Give me a book wrapped as a gift, and I would spend an inordinately a long time with special instruments to cut the almost invisible scotch tapes that would put a surgeon’s table to shame, make sure that no part of the original wrapping paper is damaged in the process and look at the book ONLY after the wrapping paper is neatly smoothened and folded and all the bits of scotch tapes deposited into the yellow recycling box. I have a cupboard full of neatly folded wrapping papers, next to the cupboard that has all the gift bags (big ones on top shelf and the wine bottle ones on the lower shelf), next to the small chest that holds all the ribbons and decorations. After chipping my nails, drawing blood on the skin around my right index finger nail, I managed to insert a finger and coerce the Styrofoam mammoth gently out. 

I do not know how many are you familiar with the indescribable devious means of packaging. It is an industry by itself, conceived by crackpots, and implemented meticulously by psychopaths. If you were expecting a complete box of Styrofoam to slide out of the outer carton, you have not unboxed anything in your life. Only the top part, not necessarily half, slides out leaving the coffeemaker visible to you, encased in transparent plastic. Any uninformed novice would discard the top part of the Styrofoam and proceed to (attempt to) extract the main purchase. Do that, and you may never be able to use your coffeemaker. Ever. The packaging industry Einsteins deviously include a small pin, an adaptor, a cable, a filter, an infinitesimally microscopic plastic tube, all of them, or a combination of them, or none of them, inside that Styrofoam. The last mentioned, while theoretically possible, has never been recorded to have occurred. A seasoned veteran like yours truly would never make any such mistake. It is essential to mention an obvious fact here. You plan your unboxing area with a lot of consideration. You usually need an area of 25 square meter, preferably as a square; do not get into fancy mathematical minds and select an area 8m X 3m. You should also have at hand, many trays, bowls, plates, and boxes to store bits and pieces that would emerge during the process of unboxing. 

I removed an adaptor, a cable, a tube out of this part and stored them in the meticulous manner befitting a NASA employee carrying out his checklist before the shuttle is ready for lift off.

I now made some incisions on the thick plastic sheet; it is impossible to lift it out by gripping the plastic, even a third grader would tell you that plastic is slippery. You insert your fingers, grab the robust part of the coffeemaker body and lift.

Nothing happens.

You lift again and then you realize that at the bottom of the box sits the Siamese twin of the Styrofoam that you removed from the top. Here you need no finesse. You just need enough force and lift the coffeemaker along with the Styrofoam. There is one catch however. Your extraction must be absolutely vertical. If you err by a few minutes (a sub-part of a degree is minutes), that is if you are lifting it up at 89 deg 50 minutes, you are stuck. It has to be a perfect 90 deg. The second part of the extraction proceeds smoothly. Only 14 minutes have elapsed since the unboxing started. A good progress by any metric.

If your method is tear everything open, break whatever can be broken, it can be faster. But you are the sort of the person who will be on all fours and crawling under all spaces, with torchlight searching for that small pin or tube without which the coffeemaker would never function.

The bottom Siamese twin normally holds no secret components needed for the successful assembly or functioning of the coffeemaker. The catchword is “normally”. If you are normal, you would not be in packaging industry churning out products that drive a sane person to cut his wrists and slip inside a bathtub. So, you free the coffeemaker from the lower part of the Styrofoam and carry out a thorough inspection befitting an army soldier checking his rifle and the ammunition before he sets out on a hostile landscape in search of a stranger to kill.

This is the main coffeemaker. Something like a V8 engine. Now you proceed to build your Porsche around it. The second (and a third) box yielded the additional components needed to complete the assembly of this masterpiece. I did not skip the ordeals involved in the additional boxes. Usually, the elaborate encasing is reserved only for the main component. The additional components came out without any of the precise engineering skills needed to unbox. Neatly labelled in clear transparent plastic pouches.

If in your excitement, should you discard the original box and proceed with assembly, even Waaqa (the supreme sky god of Oromo tribesman who found coffee) would not be able to help you. For cleverly left at the bottom of the second Styrofoam box and lying unobtrusively is the user’s manual. You will not need it for starting the machine, these days most of the household appliances are plug-in and ready to start with an online user interface (or so you think, much of it later) but for the times when the machine will suddenly stop functioning, like when you want to make a coffee to impress your friend, or when you want a fresh cuppa first thing in the morning – for this manual contains (cleverly hidden somewhere inside its covers) a mind numbing chapter called Troubleshooting. Literature aficionados claim that these manuals are far more complex and capable of driving you to a point where you walk to the nearest bridge and hurl yourself into the river below. These are said to be more exasperating than Ulysses. Now that should make it clear.

The process of sliding the water canister, the chamber to collect the ground coffee cakes, the lid on top to cover the coffee bean chamber, the small receptacle with a lattice on top to collect water and last drops of the dripping coffee all go in smoothly. You are now left with a rectangular container and a tube to assemble to complete the phase I as per the pictures shown in the quick start guide. The rectangular container is available and the tube was part of the treasures collected from the top half of the Styrofoam that you have kept safely away. So safely away that you can’t find it now. As your search area is confined to 25 m2, you end up finding the blasted piece and complete the assembly of Porsche!

Switching it on is not as simple as merely plugging it in. A lot of research has gone into designing the length of the power cord and it is designed to ensure that the cable would fall just short of reaching the socket when the machine is kept on a platform in your kitchen. You can slide a hardcover or two paperbacks underneath  and the cable will reach the socket, but that will be an equivalent of parking your Porsche on the road in front of your house. You spend the next 15 minutes searching for a wooden plank or any other suitable base that will not look out of place in the kitchen and voila, the machine is connected.

The screen glows to life. Coffeemakers today come with a dashboard similar to a top end vehicle. No buttons, or knobs. Just a simple screen awash with icons and instructions. The screen displays a script that you are unfamiliar with. This is not the end of the world. Intuitively, for there is no clear instruction, you figure out which sequence of illegible buttons to press to change the language to English. Before you can get to the menu on display, you personalize the machine. You are asked to enter the serial number of the machine to ensure online access to help / troubleshoot in the future, should the need arise. You know very well the need WILL arise. Now the only problem is the serial number is somewhere on the machine and the screen will not tell you where is it. The treasure hunt starts. Finding it is not that difficult; after all you have spent the better part of your life locating these devious labels in the most unexpected inaccessible places with countless previous purchases. Deciphering it is the impossible task. You take a picture, without flash, and then magnify it. A typical serial number is something like FN754&%0000000006743lkt2578!*15. Now the main problems you face while entering this on a screen are

1. Counting the number of zeros is almost impossible, you lose track.

2. You are not sure if the character after 743 is small L or Capital I

And why such a complicated serial number. There are approximately 8 billion people in this world. A simple numeral of 10 digits with no string of more than two zeros in succession would be sufficient if you look at it mathematically. 

You enter that number hoping the assumption you made is correct. The next screen asks you to connect to the Wi-Fi network. The third screen advises you to choose the interacting voice assistant – will it be John or Julie? Apparently I am expected to have a little chat in the morning when my coffee is brewed. The next screen allows me to enter the time. The fourth screen (is it the 4th , I have already lost track) asks my name, surname, short name, passport number, social security number, insurance number, name of my spouse, name of my pets, my address, my life savings, in which currency……

It is almost evening now and the much awaited screen with the menu comes to life. A screen with multiple pages, with three types of coffee per page that you can slide left or right. I read names of coffee that I have never heard before. Fortunately the Espresso, Black and Cappuccino are on the first page. The firm belief that the entire user interface is designed by a sadist fades away. 

You fill the chamber on top with your favorite coffee beans. Set the miniscule dial, that is by now buried under the beans, to a setting that decides the degree of coarseness to which the beans are going to be ground, fill the water up to the mark shown on the transparent compartment that slides with a satisfactory click when it reaches the position, slide the chamber in to collect the discarded cake after the coffee is made “ click”, place the receptacle to collect liquid effluents “click”, place the cup, aligned to a micron perfection and press on the icon that says “ Espresso” . I drink my coffee black so I do not bother with the left hand side of the machine that is dedicated to milk. I wait with a visible excitement, rubbing hands in glee, listening to the various mechanical sounds and grinding sounds and…………….

NOTHING.

My cup remains empty and the machine remains adamant by refusing to discharge the caffeine nectar that I have been looking forward to. 

The screen above flashes an isometric view in engineering drawing fashion in which one or more compartments is shown in a red outline, indicating that some component is not properly slotted. I try to take out the water tank and it does not come out. The manual says “ switch off the appliance before you try to remove any of the compartments or trays”. I switch off the coffeemaker and remove all its trays and compartments and slam them in forcefully. This is not necessary. Forcefully slamming it in is not going to give me a more satisfying click nor is it going to ensure better locking. But we are what we are!

I switch on the machine again. 

“ Hello Krish. Good afternoon!” said a jaunty British male voice and startled the daylights out of me. A weaker person would have had a heart failure. This was John, my machine interface that I chose while personalizing the machine. 

Making sure that every part is slotted where it is supposed to be, I pressed on the beautiful  “ Espresso” again. And waited. 

Nothing.

The screen flashed a disturbing red and displayed the same inexplicable engineering drawing again.

I filled the milk. Who knows what this machine wants? Maybe it feels incomplete on its left hand side. Checked the bean chamber again. Raked it once. Slammed all the compartments in once again.

“ Hello Krish. Good afternoon!” said John.

I pressed Black this time, maybe the machine has an in-built superstition program that would NEVER dispense an Espresso as its first drink!

Nothing.

I started losing my sanity. The subsequent tweaks and adjustments I made carried no logical sense. I emptied the beans and filled the chamber with ethically sourced beans (who knows the hidden capabilities of this machine to parse an ethically sourced bean from an exploited one), changed the milk from cow’s milk to oat milk, replaced cold water with tap water and then boiled water, changed the cup from a small cup to a big cup to a tea mug, chose an Espresso, a black, a Cappuccino, a Latte, a flat white, started to cry, started to beg and plead, John in the meantime started to say “ Hello Krish. Good evening”, I changed John to Julie, ……………

The only constant was the isometric machine design with an everchanging red outline. 

The kitchen top resembles a battlefield. I am exhausted and defeated. My persistent efforts are no match to the obstinacy of this machine. I needed fresh air. I stepped out, walked to the end of the street, had a croissant, ordered a take away of my regular double espresso, and walked back home.

Fortified by the coffee, I decided to have one last go. 

I started the machine once again.

“Hello Krish. Good night” said John.

Or was it Julie?

Who cares.

PC: Google Images.