Books read in 2019.

Hello everybody, a happy 2020 to everyone.

Continuing the habit, I formed last year, here is a list of books I read in 2019.

1.       The Ice Palace by Tarjei Vesaas; Weird book. There were chapters that completely sailed overhead. I am certain that even re-reading will not herald newer understanding. I grabbed the general outline but beyond that nothing. Naren’s reputation for “choosing the weird” is consolidated yet again. 😊

a.       Recommended by Naren.

2.       The Road by Cormac McCarthy; If someone told me to write about a father and son wandering a bleak landscape, I would have written probably 10 pages. Could have stretched it to 30 pages after throwing in some encounters. Period. This is what makes you marvel while you are reading the book. Pages after pages where he is just describing their journey. And what a vocabulary. No fancy big and intimidating words. You are left stunned at the words that are used, you had never heard before. And when you look up, the use is apt. He drags you inside. You are excited when they find food. You almost taste it when he describes it.  You are worried when danger approaches them. The dialogues are so minimal and natural. I had an additional pleasure of referring to the portfolio of my son that was inspired by The Road. An excellent book. I could not sleep after turning the last page.

a.       Footnote: Surprised to realize that the “No country for old men” was also his work

b.       Recommended by Ameya.

3.       The view from the cheap seats by Neil Gaiman; Quintessential NG. the first part and the last two parts were gripping. His writing is a pleasure always, however the intervening chapters, where he talks about authors, music and books of which, at least, I am not aware of, the connecting is poor. His style of writing is fabulous throughout the book. Self-recommendation, but the author had been brought to my notice by Ameya.

a.       And Neil is a powerful writer; he left an impression, literally

4.       The sense of an ending by Julian Barnes; Few books can rattle you as this does. That I knew nothing about the book or the author helped. Started reading with almost no expectations, but few pages into the book, I was already sure that I was reading something special. I hope that this book is not even remotely autobiographical – if it were, the author has balls, assuming he to be the narrator! The entire premise is so palpable, one could relate it to events in one’s life as one reads them. I have now reached an age where I do not care anymore if what I am reading is fiction or real. The last book I read before this gave me the tattoo that says it best. A monumental work. And a book that follows the Chekov’s Gun principle to perfection. Not one incident is superfluous, not one sentence is wasted and how beautifully he brings everything together in the last 200 words or so! The last sentence of the book is a repeat of an earlier utterance. The first time you encounter this sentence it evokes a snigger and a smile. When repeated at the end, it delivers a sledgehammer blow.

a.       Recommended by Manoj Joglekar, who had, with this, been responsible for three singularly important recommendations in/to my life.

                                                               i.      Sophie’s choice

                                                             ii.      Single Malt

                                                           iii.      The sense of an ending

b.       But do I trust my memory anymore? Certainly not, after reading this book! But Manoj, a great many thanks.

5.       Less by Andrew Sean Greer: An easy read. Effortlessly funny. Sample “The driver works the horn-like an outlaw at a gunfight. Stray dogs and goats leap from the road wearing guilty expressions and people leap aside wearing innocent ones”. Decent work with a lot of insight. Is it exceptional – the answer is no. Is it Pulitzer winning material – again the answer is no. But I am not on the judging panel of Pulitzer.

a.       Recommended by – The Guardian list of books.

6.       Bad Blood by John Carreyrou; Was pissed off when pages 1 to 22 were present two times in a copy that I bought off Amazon and pages 23 to 54 were completely missing! Mihir came to the rescue and was kind enough to scan the missing pages to me. Fantastic piece of investigative journalism. Elizabeth reminded me of the few toxic bosses I had, experienced first hand as well as seen the bad boss demoralizing friends. At times, it did feel like John had a personal ax to grind on Elizabeth, but as you approached the closing pages you conclude if anything he had been gentle on her on the contrary. Describing her, correctly, as a sociopath in the last paragraph of the book is poetic and apt.  As much credit goes to Tyler Schultz for standing firm and rendering the word integrity a resounding meaning.

a.       Recommended by Mihir.

7.       God Bless You Mr. Rosewater by Kurt Vonnegut; This book was bought in 2006 and am reading it now! If ever you need an example for Tsundoku, I am your man. A totally insane novel. A smile is constantly pasted on your face at the sheer lunacy of Eliot is exhibited page after page. Cynical, grotesque and exceedingly funny. Compassion vs corporate culture.

a.       Recommended by self – from the collection of earlier years that was based on authors who left an impression.

8.       There is always a price tag by James Hadley Chase; My foray into English novels started with Chase, as it must have been for most Indians. He had a foolproof template. Ruthless killers, femme fatale, loads of money and riveting narration. No fancy words, no lofty ideals to preach and absolutely no scruples. His descriptions of people are still one of the best I have seen in writing.  Of course, there is nothing to write as a review. Regular Chase stuff. Keeps you glued. A welcome relief anytime. And I was so pissed off when I realized that the Hindi film Maharathi was a blatant copy – Now I need to check if they had given the credits to Mr. Chase.

a.       Recommended by – I do not even remember who introduced Chase to me – probably a friend of my dad or my brother.

9.       The Sixth Extinction by Elizabeth Kolbert; Books like these and authors who can even think of such themes, leave alone writing them, continue to amaze me. We owe these people a huge thanks for enriching our lives. And it is all the more humbling when you come across more such people within the book, who labor with unwavering determination to pursue topics that impact us globally. While reading such books I realize the need for an audiobook. No idea how half the terms are pronounced. I am sure I have pronounced them all wrong. Kudos to the author to make a technical subject so friendly, and easy to understand. With examples like “similar to you trying to build a house while someone is constantly stealing the bricks”.

a.       Recommended by Mihir.

10.   Exit West by Mohsin Hamid; Lovely prose and powerful. And relevant today. With statements like "to love is to enter into the inevitability of one day not being able to protect what is most valuable to you” A winner all the way. Straight from the heart. The drifting away of the couple is so beautifully penned.

a.       Recommended by Mihir.

11.   https://carnegieendowment.org/2019/04/04/bjp-in-power-indian-democracy-and-religious-nationalism-pub-78677 ; This one almost qualifies as a book. The subject was so captivating, that I took a printout of the entire link – the executive summary and all the chapters – It is almost a collector’s issue. It can become a reference material in any study of psephology.

12.   India Unbound by Gurcharan Das; Another precious work. As good a chronicle as you can get about the businessman’s view of India Inc. In his usual easy to read prose. An interesting anecdote is that I left the book behind in a hotel room while traveling and my relative managed to collect it from the room service people and I had to wait three months before going back to the last 4 chapters 😊. Will be interesting to know what his views are about some of the fallen idols like P Chidambaram, Raju of Satyam, Anil Ambani and Sam Pitroda.

a.       Any book of Gurcharan Das now counts as recommended by Uday.

13.   My Name is Red by Orhan Pamuk; Another typical Pamuk novel. In the initial chapters you are completely disconnected, you have no clue what’s going on. The names, a different narrator in each chapter all muddle you up. Gradually things settle down and clarity dawns and you are gripped. And this is CERTAINLY not meant for a breezy read. This is slow. There is no way I could push it or cover more. This book probably ate into my numbers for the year-end tally. But quality over quantity is the guiding line, right? This guy writes straight from his heart. Passionate personified. Chapter 47, “I, Satan” is one of the most brilliant few pages I have ever read. This guy is a top-notch writer. A plot that is so unthinkable, a story about miniaturists!! His eye for the details is a sheer jaw drop. And as the ending says it aptly “For the sake of a delightful and convincing story, there isn’t a lie Orhan wouldn’t deign to tell”

a.       Orhan Pamuk has become a favorite author and his books now are now under the self-recommended category

14.   Dad you suck by Tim Dowling; After numerous Saturday columns, a move to one of his books was inevitable. He is funny. He writes effortlessly and proves that you just need to be observant to write something. The trademark self-deprecating humor comes clean on each page. If I ever get to meet his family, I will never feel like meeting them for the first time. But it is known that authors are big liars. I was surprised at the slight emotional aspect towards the end.

a.       Self-recommended

15.   Orphan X by Gregg Hurwitz; A routine airport shop pick up. A good one to race through. A decent yarn. Am prepared for an inevitable film starring Jason Statham.

a.       Unrecommended and unlikely to be recommended either 😊

16.   This divided island by Samanth Subramanian; A contemporary event closely related to me being a Tamil. We grew up during this conflict and the assassination of Rajiv and the killing of Prabhakaran happened when I was an adult. This book took me into Sri Lanka that was not covered by news channels and newspapers. The writing is effortless; the author has taken enough pains to walk a middle path, condemning the violence by both the Tigers and the Army, however, his scorn for the excesses by the army comes through clearly. It is logical too. With statements like “Shrink the humanity of your enemy, and the fighting must seem easier, more just, less complicated”, the author takes your breath away.

a.       Picked up from a stray tweet and I would be strongly recommending this book as well as end up gifting it to a few.

17.   Dancing lessons for the advance in age by Bohumil Hrabal: What can one say about a guy who is the very definition of CRAZY. He surprises you with each book. One of the true originals. His penchant for the weird is amazing and original. His books are such a breeze, I finished this in one sitting with a constant grin pasted on my face. Situations like “we took the gun apart, but could not put it back, we wanted to shoot ourselves but could not as we did not put the gun back and a priest hammering the daylights out of his assistant who crept out during the mass for a nip and the members of the crowd wondering at the new part of the mass that they had watched, and his endless takes on sex at every instant possible” leave you begging for more. And the whole book just about 100 pages come out tumbling in one UNBROKEN SENTENCE. Now go beat that!

a.       Any book by Hrabal is deemed as Naren’s recommendation now.

18.   The best we could do by Thi Bui: Sounds pompous to say that this book was recommended by Bill Gates. That was, in fact, the truth. Catching up on what BG has been reading led to this and the fact that I was reading Sympathizer at that point in time nailed it. It was a quick read but a wonderful book all the same. The citizens of a country torn by war are always a notch above when it comes to narrating their lives. That war is pointless is once again summed up so painfully. The last chapter drawing parallels with her and her mother as mothers is so beautiful. And the most arresting statement in that book should be this – “This – not any particular piece of Vietnamese culture- is my inheritance; the inexplicable need and extraordinary ability to RUN when the shit hits the fan. My Refugee Reflex”. And the early chapters where a child wants an audience and does not get one. I hear the same complaint from my children.

a.       Recommended by Bill Gates

19.   The Goat Thief by Perumal Murugan: A collection of short stories. Few stories were absurd. I have no clue what he wanted to convey. But some stories were marvelous. The overall result is a disappointment. Honestly, my own collection of short stories is better than this. 😊 each story starts beautifully, builds up even more compellingly and ends so lamely. Appears as if he just wants to be weird for weird sake or I am too dumb to understand his nuances! Maybe his novels will be better. I will pick up his novels after a few other books. Certainly, no more short-story collection from him again.

a.       Author recommended by Naren.

20.   Freshwater by Akwaeke Emezi: I finished the goat thief the previous day and this book arrived by post while I was at the office, thus a decision on what to read next was taken out of my hand. I have never read anything like this before, and that is a strong statement considering that I have been reading for the past 40 years!! I will never ever feel that I am insane either. 😊 That there are authors who are capable of such vivid imaginations is highly humbling when we have seen bestsellers that are unadulterated trash. In the beginning, there was a sort of confusion with similar-sounding names Ala, Ada and Aba but the moment I realized that this is not meant to be a breezy read and the author deserves the respect of concentration, things fell into place.  What imagination and how daring. This is a debut!!! People would sell their soul to write anything even half as good as this. And lines like “She felt like it fit, or at least the misfit of it fit, the wrongness was right” and “Yshwa’s teachings included a lot about repentance and forgiveness and being white as the snow of a bleached lamb, the general gist being that you could fuck up and start over” and the best is “is there any story of a human loving a god that ends well?” . While doing research on the author, stumbled upon this powerful short story of hers, winner of 2017 commonwealth short story prize regional winner Africa – use this link https://granta.com/who-is-like-god/

a.       Recommended by Sayantan Ghosh, a twitter acquaintance.

21.   Buddha’s diet by Tara Cottrell & Dan Zigmond; A freak book. The whole book could have been over in a 10-page leaflet, but it never felt dragging. Easily written and some basic guides to healthy eating (which might lead to weight loss). I started straightaway on the 11-hour eating cycle, and as I am writing this review am into the first week, successfully. There are more tips on meditations, mindfulness and quality living. Would strongly recommend it. I intend to return to this part of the review by the end of the year and quantify the weight loss, if any, as well as how much I was able to stay on the 11-hour eating schedule, or if I made an improvement to the final 10-hour goal. The result is status quo, mainly due to lack of workouts.

a.       Recommended by Ujval.

22.   Coraline by Neil Gaiman; NG is a top storyteller. A good old fairytale. Chekov’s Gun principle spot on in the book. You knew all along what would happen, the cat decapitating the rat, the collection of marbles, the other mother’s hand that follows, the climax but even then, it holds your attention and it is a quick read on the top of it. The sketches are awesome too. Particularly that of the scuttling hand. It must be presented to every girl who is aged 7.

a.       The author was introduced by Ameya

23.   24, 25, Hitchhiker’s guide to Galaxy by Douglas Adams; Books 23-25 as I ended up with the omnibus edition with all books in one and decided to read the first 3. I needed to stop after 3, as I wanted a change of genre and the evil pleasure of coming back to the last two at a later date

a.       Recommended by Akshaya

b.       And what more can be said about this book that has not been said before? Catch-22 and Guide have become part of the folklore, still, I can’t resist the following list

                                                               i.      The foreword is a sample of the quirkiness of the books to follow. You read with a constant smile plastered on your face.

                                                             ii.      Enjoyed the dig at Arsenal in the opening pages, that I missed the first time around

                                                           iii.      Realized that Petronas towers owe it to Douglas, as the design is a clear rip off from the headquarters of the publishing house

                                                           iv.      He probably first gave the idea for the name Google!

                                                             v.      The answer is 42, but what is the question? 😊

                                                           vi.      Zaphod buried one of his faces in two of his hands

                                                          vii.      And this statement – “That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting”

26.   Poonachi by Perumal Murugan; It is ironical that I need to read a Tamil story when it is translated into English. An effortless commentary that transcends many layers; social relevance, women empowerment, distrust in a piece of government machinery, the helplessness of the downtrodden, exploitation of the situation by everyone. There are no heroes and villains in this book just as in real life. Each character, including the eponymous Poonachi, travels the gamut of emotions, gratitude to an ingrate, benevolent to selfish, ecstasy to depression. Strongly recommended and a must-read for anyone who appreciates serious literature.

a.       The author was introduced by Naren, and he has redeemed himself after the disastrous beginning to the year with the Ice Palace 😊

27.   An American marriage by Tayari Jones; A love triangle, a man wrongly convicted, black lives in America! All clichés. But not this book. Keeps you glued. And so much of the vacillating emotions that touch a tender spot. Is there anyone who is one dimensional all one’s life? We are all reasonable and unreasonable, secure and insecure in varying measures, continuously and alternately. A fantastic read. Strongly recommended.

a.       Self - Recommended after reading some reviews.

28.   Nine Pints by Rose George; Another book recommended by Bill Gates. Imagine this; You get an idea about writing a book on blood. You will probably do the time-tested route of tracing the history of blood, the myth, the ancient rituals, the growing science in a chronological way and make it as inviting as a root canal. Trust Rose George to throw such an idea out of the window and keep you glued to every page. And such wit. “If Martians could shrug, Nettie would have” “To me, all this reads as divine instructions for vegetarianism” “Most patients reacted badly, by dying” and so many more. We can fill several pages of quotable quotes from this book alone. I will soon be picking up her other books. The one on human waste looks interesting. The suspense of the young woman’s fate in the chapter code red was so full of drama. I read on hoping she would live. A fantastic book. Strongly recommended. Will certainly my gift in the coming year to a few of my friends when their birthdays come along.

a.       Recommended by Bill Gates.

29.   The Only Story by Julian Barnes; Julian and his memory games all over again. If Sense of an ending measured 8 on the Richter scale, then this one measures…. At the end of the day, no one can match JB when it comes to touching those emotions that you relate so well to. Whenever I read his books, I often drift back to my past and wonder how this guy knows my feelings. It is uncanny. His choice of words, the in-your-face approach, ruthless in introspection continue to impress you. He is a pure gem. Such a breezy read of a feelgood rebellious love story comes to a Julian Barnes type of conclusion at the end of chapter 1 with “And this is how I would remember it all, if I could. But I can’t”. then he drags you along time-tested paths of introspection, ruthless exposure of all established hypocrisies and ends with another knock-out punch. The change back to the first-person narrative in the last two pages is so beautifully perfect. And of all the definitions and quotes on love, this being the only story on love, the astoundingly simplistic while being amazingly apt, is this one “In my opinion, every love, happy or unhappy, is a real disaster once you give yourself over to it entirely”. The author is left uncredited for this quote and hence this has naturally come from himself. Anyone who has loved, meaning everyone in this world, will certainly fall in love with this book. And, as love always brings on latter-day agonies, suffer.

a.       Any book of Julian Barnes is now considered a Manoj recommendation.

30.   A lesson before dying by Ernest J. Gaines; Black man. Wrong place. Wrong time. White Jury. Predictable but wrong sentencing. All clichés. Right? Wrong. A book that paints the plantation in front of your eyes. One can almost hear Day O in your mind as you read those vivid descriptions. The biggest success of the book is that it makes you cry in the last few pages, unabashedly. The sentence, “Tell nanan, I walked”, packs in more emotions than volumes can. Strongly recommended.

a.       Recommended by Viet Thanh Nguyen. Picked this up from one of his tweets. A recommendation by Mr. Nguyen could not go wrong, could it? I hope his sequel to the sympathizer hits the stand in 2020.

Last year was the first year I tried to compile a short summary of what I had read during the year. As much for the record as it was for showing off. If even one book gets read, by even one person, after this blog has been read, that would be a good deed performed already. Most of my recommendations come from Mihir, Naren, The Guardian and Twitter. If I can be a source to someone, the purpose would have been served. From 19 in the last year to 30, this year is good growth. I hope I can sustain this! Have a wonderful 2020.

Animal Farm 2.0

In the end, the cows took complete control.

Unbelievable, right? Who would have expected those docile cows to take such complete control? To understand this, we must go to the very beginning.

Not to the cows, they are just a Trojan horse.

But to the two wily foxes and their great alma matter, The Radical School of Segregation.

All the other graduates of the school before the time of the two wily old foxes could not complete the agenda of the school, even though they were good in what they set out to do.

They either had scale or vision, not both.

Also, almost all of them had one central weakness. They were not entirely ruthless.

The order prevailed in the forest for as long as anyone could remember, it was not the best of the times nor ever a worst of the times.

Yes, there were times when a herd of bison went berserk and gored the pigs. Another time a drove of pigs went ahead and poisoned a whole herd of buffaloes. A school of piranhas devoured a shoal of harmless fish. A pack of dogs attacked a flock of pigeons. A troop of monkeys bothered a band of wild horses.

These were sporadic, and most importantly were not organized in a sustained way on a large scale.

The parliament of owls, who were the governing body of the Radical School of Segregation kept a close watch on all these happenings and kept immaculate records. This was an elite school. The elite as in not the sense that only a few could afford it. The elite in the sense that only a few wanted to get into this. The school, over the years, gave rise to an impressive alumnus, many of whom had entered the mechanism of the governance, and even ruled it briefly, in short, and often violent regimes. All of them failed. The elephants, the workhorses, the donkeys, the baboons, the bulls, the pigs, the lions, all of them.

It all changed when two wily foxes enrolled themselves and completed their course almost unnoticed. This was their plan from early on. Take cover behind a broader canvas. They studied magic and oratory with greater interest over other subjects like money and relationships.

A grand old Owl once taught them “When a magician says, “Look here” and holds up his hat, it is his other hand that is doing the trick”

The foxes understood a fundamental principle.

Rule by diversion, not just division.

If you perfect the first, the second can be anything one wants.

The foxes infiltrated the ranks and started to implement their grand vision.

For reasons inexplicable, the foxes decided that the pigs should go. Maybe they did not like the fact that the pigs came to rule in the original Animal Farm.

These two are not some ordinary foxes, to go ahead and declare a war directly on the pigs and boars from day one.

If the pigs are to be the villains, the story needs a victim!

The two foxes traveled the length and the breadth of the jungle, evaluating a suitable masthead, one that would evoke an immediate pity.

The pride of lions was an obvious no.

A school of fish was not too appealing, also their dwelling was too fluid.

A congregation of alligators was rejected for the same reason, even though they did spend a little time on the land.

A colony of bats was a non-starter (they wanted their policies to be upside down not their mastheads).

A pack of dogs was very attractive and almost chosen but for their one deplorable trait, understanding love.

The tired foxes reached a meadow and rested under a tree. Lord Buddha achieved his enlightenment under a Bodhi tree. The records are not clear about the kind of tree that the two foxes took shelter under. (The foxes made sure that no records of their origin or the subsequent growth can ever be traced successfully, they erased all their origins, doctored at will. As a result, years down the line, one got to read what the foxes wanted one to read about them)

It sure was their Bodhi tree moment. For here, they gazed on a herd of cows, grazing with absolute contentment, regurgitating, chewing, standing still at one place for what appeared to be eons, unaware of what is happening around them.

The foxes found what they were looking for.

The cows became the masthead. But you do not just convince the whole forest overnight that the cows are the victims and the pigs are the villain.

You need to build the narrative. All those lessons on magic were put into action.

The philosophy of an organization that sets out to control should not be logical or scientific. It must be simple. And simplicity is what the foxes started working for, in its philosophy. Philosophy is the doctrine, but you also need soldiers to implement a philosophy. Now that the victim and the villain are frozen, the second round of elections began to choose the soldiers.

The most obvious choice of a pack of dogs was rejected for the same reason that they were rejected as a victim. They understand love. Unpardonable.

A troop of monkeys was quickly decided as an obvious choice. The monkeys also resembled humans, of whom a great many stories were available in the mainland adjoining their forest. They were stupid, easy to manipulate, myopic, violent and are kept happy with scraps, sometimes as meager as a banana.

It is nearly 20 years from the day the foxes joined the school to the moment of identifying the main characters of the narrative.

The monkeys never questioned the logic of the first instruction.

“Kill the cows and some calves”

But the cow is supposed to be the masthead, right? The proposed victim!

“It is not the truth that matters, but victory” said the foxes to the troop of monkeys, quoting one Adolf Hitler, a member of a human race very close to the monkeys than to most animals.

It was easy to kill the cows with some calves thrown in. The calves were a problem, as they ran about, what with some of them being students in normal schools like Just Normal University and the likes.

The foxes resigned from the governing council and went on a forest-wide mission to “educate” the masses. They addressed the donkeys, the elephants, the dogs and all the congregations except pigs. The pigs were not aware of this. When some pointed it to them, that it is strange that the pigs are never seen in the rallies or the meetings, the pigs shrugged it away. The pigs thought that probably this has been a mere oversight and they also maintained a simpler stand “we are not there as we are not invited”.

No one knew exactly when a cow started sharing the dais along with foxes.

Just as no one knew exactly when it became a common knowledge that the pigs were absent.

And soon the cow was speaking more than the foxes, who were content in drafting the speeches and coaching the monkeys.

While the foxes took 20 years, waiting patiently and preparing their canvas and narrative, it took them just 12 years to convince the forest that the pigs were the villains.

It surprised the pigs as much as the rest of the forest.

The parliament of owls stood in awe at the Radical School of Segregation while the mediocre council that ruled the forest did not know what hit them.

Just before the election to the new council, the foxes announced a challenge to the council by nominating their own candidates, all of them cows!

Four superannuated cows were slaughtered during the election rallies. The foxes needed to say nothing. Everyone knew it had to be the pigs. It was easy to target the unprepared pigs. The piglets that were students were easier prey.

The Mother Cow lowed and mooed its heart out while the foxes spew venom that put a cobra to shame.

The victory to the foxes was absolute.

The council took charge and started implementing its devious rabid plans one at a time. Confusing the animals with fierce oration and compelling doublespeak.

The two foxes were not in the least worried about their ability to continue unrivaled during the next council election and the next after that and the next after that because the forest only knew that

In the end, the cows took complete control.

The collective noun for foxes is, incidentally, a leash.  

We, The People.....

Picture - Dedication page from We The people, by the inimitable Nani Palkhiwala

The angry moment is behind us. Temporarily.

Facebook posts, whatsapp judgments and sentencing, forwards, tweets and Instagram incensing are over.

This ever so predictable cycle is, in fact, sickening. As sick as the act of rape. The people seem to be doing it on autopilot. The collective reaction is like how a piece of equipment would function when switched on.

Horrible! Atrocious! Unacceptable! Muslim guy? Hindu guy? Upper caste girl? Lower caste girl? Fit the narrative accordingly, chest-beating, hyperbole forwards on social-media, candle vigil, TV debate, I am ashamed to be a man, not all men are like this, you should have done this, not done this, could have done this, must have done that, law and order is in shambles, we need stricter laws, hang the rapists, castrate them, better still – castrate them and then hang them and then shoot them, yada yada yada, court proceeding starts, the case drags on, the bar council refuses to represent the convicts, appeals, sentencing, justice is served, yada yada yada… next rape, start all over again.

Exactly like how the common man vented it out in A Wednesday “Checked if your relatives are safe, exchanged whatsapps, changed channels and saw the news, heaved a sigh of relief thinking it’s not me”.

J.Krishnamurti once said, in his speech on truth, you can’t expect someone to show you the way, the moment you submit to another person as an authority the truth can never be reached.

Same here.

The problem is not the law. The problem is not whether the punishment is severe enough. (this is a stupid line of argument too as most who commit the crime committed it knowing the punishment or its magnitude, but they still commit it hoping that they would not get caught)

(or knowing they will not get caught, which is worse; or confident that will get out even if caught, which is the nadir of the corrupt system)

The problem is us.

As a nation and as a society we have never treated women at par. They were always the second best, the unwanted, a burden, the ones preached upon, the ones for whom no one stood up at the right time, if anyone stood for them at all, the most judged, the ones on whom the impossible had often been demanded.

From the earliest memory, they are ill-treated and mistreated. The women of this land grow up in utter confusion. She never knows what is right, what is proper, why there are two rules, what did they just do wrong, why this was ok yesterday but not today and no idea what it would be tomorrow.

If she has a male sibling, then she wonders why two sets of rules right from her childhood. How often is she made to hear “behave like a girl”.

What the fuck is that?

What is it supposed to mean?

Why is it all right for a boy to lay sprawled in front of the TV in his underwear and pick his nose but a girl must sit with her legs together? Are decency and decorum only to be practiced by a woman?

What does she see while growing up? Mother slogging in the kitchen, being subjected to sarcasm and jibes by the menfolk, a mother whose opinion is never sought, a mother who is often yelled at, who is told to show respect even to those who outright insult her. How is it seen all right for the man to come in by 7 pm, expect to be served a coffee or tea, sit in front of the TV, expect food on the table, make disparaging comments about the quality of the food, not offer any help in the kitchen, be rude and expect to be respected?

Guess what?

He gets that respect.

Who is watching this entire scene being played out day in and day out? The sons and the daughters. And then we wonder why the boys grow up to be a monster with scant disregard towards women.

We demonstrated, continue to demonstrate and will, in all probability, do the same in the years to come that women are a lesser breed.  That in the order of hierarchy they sit just about pieces of furniture in the house.

Patri-fuckin-archy!!!!!!!!

The men take the decisions, the men’s word is final, please ask dad, grandpa should say yes, why don’t we ask the uncle, let’s ask the next door uncle…..

What about the vicious family gossip? How often are men targeted? And how easily are the women painted? (Alas, also by other women, a paradox that could never be explained.) Isn’t a girl exposed to observe the hypocrisy that is practiced and demonstrated by the family members while dealing with the two-gender?

And what else is she subjected to?

Every single male harasses her. Openly.

Way back in 1987, I was told by the sister of my roommate, that she was traveling every day from Dalmiapuram to Trichy by bus, to college and she always carried a safety pin with her. Numb with the humiliation that she was subjected to each day, she had grown resigned and told me with a sad smile “I do have a safety pin, but this can prevent me from only one direction, I am still exposed and vulnerable from three sides”

Shudder.

In the same year, a family friend had to move his family from Bangalore to Trichy and his daughter, then a mere 7-year-old told me that men (not boys but men) whistled at her when she went to school!

Has anything changed between 1987 and 2019?

Yes, it has gone worse.

This is the basic problem, we all sit and expect something will change while we are the culprits.

Each one of us.

We sow the seeds at home and then we are astounded when we see such behavior outside.

A minister made a remark in the recent Hyderabad case (the trigger for this blog) that an educated woman that she was, she must have called 100, instead of her sister, and she would have been saved.

Mr. Minister – with all due respect to you, go fuck yourself.

You have no idea what the reality is out there. You are the privileged, a man to start with, a minister, no less, and in all probability, your brain is in your ass. Do you know what happened when the sister went to the police station? I know how women are treated by the police. My own daughter had been called a slut by a police constable in Bangalore? All because she was outside of her home at 10.30 in the night. (I had originally written it as 2 in the morning, but my daughter corrected me to underline the fact that it was “what would be the evening in certain European cities”)

Which section of the constitution tells us that a person of a particular gender should not stay out between such and such hour?

Mr. Minister – do you know what fear is? Do you know what it is to walk a tightrope all your life? Do you know, that India is one of the few countries where a policeman approaching you makes you feel unsafe?

A boy I know was mugged last week just outside his home. Now he takes UBER home every day, where only till last week, till that incident, he was happily walking back home, getting his bit of regular exercise thrown in as a part of his routine. Now he is scared when there are people ahead of him, behind him. He jumps when there is a knock on the door. In all probability, this was a one-off incident and he would soon get back to his normal lifestyle.

But he knows the meaning of the word fear now.

Now imagine walking a tightrope all your life?

This is the life we have given to all our women. They are constantly required to be on the alert. Always judged. Easily. They will one day slander the family name. How is it fair?

Any male who is interacting with a woman finds a way to touch her. Be it the constable, the priest, the bus conductor, the school teacher, the guy standing next to her on a means of public transport, the perverts within the family, you politicians. Every single one. All for what? Some instant gratification by the briefest of the contact? What has one achieved by doing that?

What do we do as a parent when the daughter tells us about a situation that is difficult to pinpoint but sounds wrong? When the other person is a close family or a “respectable” elder? Do not we gloss it over? Ask the girl not to exaggerate and be “careful” next time around.

Is there one profession that treats women with respect? Who gives a gynecologist permission to take a moral high ground and lecture the women when the women approach her/him for medical advice?

Talking about doctors, let me take you back to the most horrendous case (this adjective is short-lived, as subsequent cases compete strongly in this category) of Aruna Shanbaug. The doctor, here in all good intentions, did not report the sexual violation.

But his “good intention” stemmed from our social stigma associated with it. She was engaged and was about to be married.

The result – Aruna never came out of her vegetable stage until her death and the perpetrator of the crime, Walmiki, was left scot-free (almost – as he was charged only for assault and robbery), married, begot children and was working as a watchman as per the last confirmed report. 

Irony just died here.

A lot has been said about the influence of films. (internet, mobile phones, and porn sites were the other mention). I shall not accept the excuse that films are the reason. Am not in the least supporting films like Kabir Singh / Arjun Reddy/ Aditya Varma. They are trash and they must be trashed. The sick society makes it a success. But blaming violence on women, on films is certainly hyperbole.

Or an easy way out.

We will not concede that society is rotten and that we have been systemically and systematically destroying the dignity of women.

Let us blame literature and art instead.

Did rape stop after Raveena Tandon and Sanjay Kapoor hanged the rapist with their own hands in Jaago or after Sri Devi shot and killed the psychopath in MOM? Have the politicians reformed after Manoj Bajpai killed Sayaji Shinde in Shool? And did college going girls or bored housewives (nay homemakers) plot to trap a man and rape him after SRK flashed his abs in Om Shanthi Om (the filmmaker Farah Khan had said after the film was released “I wanted a man to be doing a pole dance and douse him with water, am tired of women being subjected to this all the time”. Her way of getting back to the society probably)

We are trying to fix a sinking Titanic with a handful of band-aids. This will not work.

Please build the next ship with care.

We have been practicing and encouraging acts that demean women.

We use naked women to sell shampoo and cars. Condoms and condominiums. Adhesive and incense sticks.

And we are all ok with that.

Our sense of humor is making fun of women in marriage.

A bold woman is a woman of questionable character in our world. In fact, even the term bold woman is wrong. She must be a normal woman.

We quote scriptures to drive the point that

A woman’s place is in the kitchen

That she can be a queen to the country but still a wife at home to her husband.

Housewife is all right but not a house husband. We have euphemized the former to a homemaker.

While we travel abroad, we often wonder at the discipline of the drivers waiting at a junction, while the signal shows red, at 2300 hours, with roads deserted in all directions. (in fact, we tell our foreign escort “why don’t you go? The roads are empty”. They look at us with utter disbelief. They simply tell you that it is not done)

This is the level to which we need to travel. And it is foolish to expect that such a transformation shall happen quickly. It must happen. And we must all start contributing towards that society as a society. All the time. Not in spurts of outpouring while ignoring the basic malady.

For that to happen, let us start at home. Stop hypocrisy. Stop the hyperbole.

A woman must be able to do what she wants.

When she wants.

Wherever she wants.

Till then, let us cancel the annual 15^th August celebrations!

The greatest story that’s ever been told

No, it is not the Bible!

Not Mahabharata either!

Not Iliad, nor Odyssey.

It is a CV.

Pic Courtesy: Google Images - Faking News.

Anyone who had to, either compose a resume or go through one would know that it is true instantly.

While we are all exceptionally good in identifying the charade that is a CV, we do the same things when it is time to brush up our own CV.

The first CV is probably the least deceitful. One probably fudges just the extracurricular and the hobbies. (The marks are not fudged on the CV, they are professionally done on the mark sheets themselves! 😊)

It is rather easy to find the bloated-up parts and what they mean in a CV that is from someone who is fresh out of college!

Passionate about cricket/football/badminton means that one played those games in free time – not necessarily played at a top-level or represented the institute or the region.

Fond of reading means a proclivity to the most lurid of the books (Nancy Friday, Shirley Conran, Harold Robbins) instead of catching up on the assignments.

Creative means good in copying and tracing drawings

Interested in music translates to knowing the popular song of a popular band

Ambitious means that the applicant has dreams of making money, without having a faintest idea about how to do it. If the person had such ideas, the said person would not be writing CVs and applying for jobs!

Dedicated means no initiative.

Intelligent means good marks (probably fudged, in which case the person is intelligent and creative) not the capacity to learn and learn quick.

But once you have started working and, inevitably, move to a different job, fairly at regular intervals, you get to become an expert in the corporate lingo and even the most creative writer in this world would be no match to you when you compile your CV.

Unlike the great works of literature, this is not a done and dusted version. It is almost organic. It grows, multiplies, takes shapes, changes shapes and the only thing that is constant from the first one to the final one is that it is TOTALLY DISCONNECTED FROM TRUTH AND REALITY.

My son quipped to me the other day, this was the trigger for me to start writing this blog, that when he needs complete categorical entertainment, he logs in to LinkedIn and starts reading the profile and CVs at random.

I laughed heartily along with him and soon as we disconnected the call, I logged in to read MY Profile 😊

I heaved a small sigh of relief as the damage was not extensive or ostentatious. Mine must have amused him but was not a guarantee for endless mirth.

I do not remember my last CV, it has been nearly 11 years in this organization, but I am sure I can find parts of that CV to highlight the natural penchant for exaggeration, unsupported claims to unconfirmable achievements.

Julian Barnes once wrote that the story we tell of our lives are often doctored; with passing years there are lesser and lesser people to question the authenticity and we lie more frequently as much to others as to ourselves.

So true. Nothing explains this aspect better than a CV.

Let me pick out few random descriptions from actual CVs and give my understanding of what they mean.

1.       The I vs We sign. – Both are treacherous. There is no “one is better than the other” conclusion that is possible here. The I person is obviously an egoist and an egotist and will be a pain in the arse to any team. The we person is an equal threat. This person is probably not confident and takes the shelter behind the we, if things work out well then the person was an important cog in the we, else the person was just a part and things did not succeed in spite of the person’s best efforts.

2.       Length of sentences. This is a clear sign as good as they come. Short sentences are more trustworthy than long, nebulous, winding, meandering ones. The longer a sentence bigger a sense of insecurity.

3.       Never trust a person who can give exact numbers. They are 100% untrue. (pun intended) This is an elaborate scam. It goes like this. The one who is reading is thinking “Why would this person provide such specific numbers if they are untrue, how long will it take to check these numbers, if it is a bluff it can be called out quickly. Hence, it must be true” The one who wrote has thought about all this already in anticipation. “It is almost impossible to get the exact numbers between two industrial rivals, and as it is foolhardy to fudge a number that can easily be checked, BUT WILL NEVER BE CHECKED, let us pull a fast one” The whole set up is like a Le Carre novel, remember the Spy Who Came In From The Cold? Even today, when I go back to reading it for the nth time, I still get confused as to who is the real traitor.

4.       Innovative thinker: the one who usually asks the most unexpected question, not by accident, but by design. Spends time evaluating all the logical questions and then throws the most illogical and unexpected question. The accidental better solution that results is then claimed as one’s own. “I triggered this unconventional thinking”. I quote Joseph Heller here – “When King Solomon wisely said, “Cut the child into two and distribute between the two mothers, the bastard MEANT it”, the real mother saved the day and made him Solomon the Wise!!!

5.       I have created systems – Means this person will NOT work, will not turn in a day’s worth of sweat of the brow. Like a ruler, this person would issue instructions, hold meetings, disrupt smooth working and the outcome that is close to resembling a set of operating instructions will be converted to an official document and labelled as “systems”. One can be sure of bureaucracy, doublespeak, vague outlines, an impossibility to pin down anything in absolute terms, contradicting instructions and enough loopholes to make sure that the person claiming to have invented the system can easily wriggle out when shit hits the fan.

6.       Eager to move to the next level – the current firm kicked me out.

7.       Result oriented – not to be confused with the results of the organization, that is incidental and secondary (or tertiary….). the person is talking about results that matter on a personal level. What is the compensation, what are the perks, how many allowances, tax structure, severance package etc.

8.       Embrace change – this is the most singularly lethal signal. By change, it is clear that “others” will change. The world shall bend over backwards to accommodate the whims and fancies of the individual under a broad carpet named change. A decision is already made by this individual on what needs to be changed and an entire charade of playacting shall be orchestrated to shoot down every other viewpoint, ridicule every sane individual, kill all innovation and implement what had been already decided as “change”.

9.       Team player – this one must sit on top of the toxicity chart. A very convenient term. Under this, rather broad umbrella, the person can cover the entire gamut of dirty tricks ever thought about.

a.       Shrugging responsibility – check.

b.       Undeliverable deadlines – check.

c.       Take cover when things go wrong – check.

d.       Be a leader to bask in the praise – check.

e.       Develop a coterie – check.

f.        Keep the individual members of the team in the dark – check.

g.       Set the team one against the other – check.

h.       Indulge in malicious character assassination under the guise of bonhomie – check.

i.         Breed uncertainty – check.

j.         Sow seeds of distrust – check.

k.       Take on a role of savior and one-point depository to solve all problems – check.

l.         Get personal and nosey – check.

m.     Be overbearing – check.

n.       Flirt in the name of humor – check.

10.   Conversant with corporate way – can play politics and can play better than what you think.

11.   Visionary – can be disconnected with ground reality, a dreamer, can speak big so long as there are no deliverables attached.

12.   Excellent communication skills – Can shout. Loudest.

13.   Strategist and self-motivated – financial well being of self in the long term is assured. If the company benefits, it is incidental. Blame shall belong to the right quarters.

14.   Known for decision making – will NEVER make a single incisive decision. The person is not lying here. The person is “known” for decision making and not “actually” making them.

15.   Continual innovation – constantly tinkering, often that which needs no tinkering in the first place.

16.   Diplomatic – can escape any situation, you can never pin me down to a specific.

17.   Perfectionist – a royal pain in the arse.

18.   Born Leader – One should set a filter to the CVs and use Ctrl+F to seek “Born Leader” and if the return shows even one (often more instances) – immediately BIN it. This one is a dangerous specimen. Not only is this person suffering from megalomania but in this case a congenital megalomania.

19.   Proficient in the following languages – can be certain that other than the first two listed, the person is “proficient” in other listed languages to the extent of asking “Could I have a beer/glass of wine please?”

20.   Calm – always capable of apportioning the blame/failure on to someone else.

If one wants to use the Ctrl + F function to quickly filter out toxic CVs then the following words and phrases can be useful.

Diligent, committed, mentor, team player, I, We, achieved, represented, secured, strategy (and all its variants), acumen, multi-disciplinary, result oriented, passion, decisive, responsible, delegate, excellent communication skills, business driven, challenges, build…….

The comments section can be used to add words and phrases that I have missed out for the Ctrl+F option.