Football widow (n) – A woman whose husband ignores her for long periods to watch a football match.
The quadrennial event is back.
In a week from now, 22 grown up men will assemble on a rectangle field, monitored by 5 other men under the name “referee”, watched live by about 70,000 people in the stadium and millions more from the comfort of their homes in front of their television sets. One of these 22 men mentioned above will kick a football from its central spot on the pitch, and you will lose your husband for the next month.
Welcome to the world of football widows.
You would have expected the intervening four years to have somehow dimmed the enthusiasm and tired the bones.
The chance of that is the same as Myanmar winning the world cup in the next 40 years.
The husband that you thought you knew well, undergoes a transformation. He is no longer lazy to get up at odd hours (depending on which part of the world you are in), run to the supermarket to stock up beer and chips or even help you out with a few chores in exchange for not disturbing him during THE match.
If you are not actively involved in the game of football, the next few weeks can be confusing.
The same husband, who swore by one Cristiano Ronaldo, Leo Messi, Neymar or Salah, can now be seen cursing three or all of them. Club loyalty is different from the country that you support. You do not have to reorient yourself to the current liking of the husband, as this is just a matter of four weeks. Come August, the clubs shall be back in action and the old loyalty shall return, assuming the player had not changed clubs during the summer transfer.
Do you want to know the meaning of club loyalty? It starts, in some cases, almost from the womb, or as you can see in the video below, at a rather young age.
My father in law often quips, what can’t be cured, must be endured.
That is the only advice I can give you.
It need not be all that bad, you can still make the most of it.
Here are a few suggestions.
1. Go partying with your friends, can be a picnic, a film, an opera, whatever. Your husband will not even notice that you are gone.
2. Ask him for what you want, just when the match is about to start. Placing yourself between him and the TV increases the chances. 11 times out of 10, he would agree to what you are asking for. Such fortunes do not last forever, so make the most of it.
3. Follow the fortunes of the team he supports. Placing your demand when the team is winning increases the certainty of the demand being granted.
4. Buy good quality ear muffs, that block out the noise.
5. Remove all fragile and breakable items from the living room. I can share here a video link of “an angry river plate fan” from youtube . But his reaction is so severe that even I am slightly aghast.
6. Plan your outing during the game, the roads will be deserted, it will be a pleasure to drive on those empty streets.
7. In case you would like to take part in the discussions, here are few useful information.
- Pele and Maradona do not play anymore
- Cruyff is dead.
- Holland and Italy are not playing this world cup.
8. If your husband is happy after the match, do not ask him why? If he is morose, do not ask him why? If he is furious, do not ask him why?
9. Best option of all is pack your bags and leave. Return after the finals. On second thoughts, return a few days after the final. (You do not want to be the one cleaning up the mess)