Wednesday, June 29, 2016

The night of March 16th ............

I miss him.

And whenever I miss him, I try to recollect the few moments that I can string together.
Or look at vintage, frayed, black & white pictures.

There is one, which can easily fill in as a poster for clowns of a visiting circus.
Four of us together.
I am thankful that the picture is not in color.
The garish costumes, I still recall the original, would increase the comic quotient by a factor of 100.
Arranged in a two by two matrix, one displaying a crown full of flowing mane, the other wearing a Jim Corbett hat, the third adorning a contraption that is somewhere between a bandana and a sport cap and him, just displaying a normal head.

He was different!

Even the smiles were disparate.

One flashing all 32, the other a scheming grin, the third a crooked cocktail of a smile dissolving into a grimace and him, a simple angelic smile that lit up his already perfect and handsome face.

Yet again, he was different.

Among the four, his shirt was the only one that was a plain color, not jungles inter-spaced with prancing unicorns, a cat grinning with unusually long whiskers or a weird looking hand holding a globe…

His dress was different too.

The town we grew up in used to get quite cold in winters, a surprising thing for a town in southern part of India.

So much so, that the coconut oil kept in an odd shaped glass jar, a square base followed by a bulbous bulging sphere for the bottom half and then tapering upward in  pyramidal steps converging arrangement ending in an open mouthed circular top, used to freeze solid!

We often scooped out finger loads of the oil and it was mesmerizing to see the oil melt in your palm by the body heat!

Looking back I realize that this bottle never had a cap, though it was never noticed as strange in those years.

So, back to winters!

We all had our sweaters too. Not the fancy turtle neck, patch on the elbow, monogrammed stuff of today. An utilitarian stuff.

Of course they had to be different. On similarities, all of them were worn like a jacket with a button up in the front, big round wooden buttons. All of them had the pattern of big squares like how  paddy fields would like from a plane.

One was brown, really dark, almost like a chocolate with some spattering of white dots, the next was green, a sickly bright green with a spattering of black dots and the third was pale yellow, almost brown, with a generous sprinkle of mustard shapes.

Try as I might, even with endless raking of my fairly strong memory, I can’t recollect what his sweater looked like. I am sure it would have been a sober simple design.

Definitely different.

What about personal recollections?
How do I remember him?

There is just one image in my mind.

We lived in a small lane with houses lining either sides and the small lane widening and narrowing as it crept from one end to the other.
This is the picture of our lane. (today, but not much has changed in the last 50 years)

I remember him, standing in the middle of the road, at a place that is at the mid distance between our home and our diagonal neighbor.

He was standing there, with his curly long hair falling on his forehead gently teasing his brows, with the most beautiful smile I have ever witnessed in my life (50 years and counting….) wearing just a loose black shirt with big stripes of different shades of black and stark naked below his waist.

Why he decided not to live after 1253 days is something I never understood.

I still miss him.

Continuously , since the last 46 years…………….

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

English Vinglish !

Why do we “beg” to differ and also to seek a pardon ?

Why is one “afraid” to not agree as well as not to understand?

What if you put the “ball in my court” and I am not playing?

Why does one “beat around a bush” and not a tree or garden?

Can one “cross a bridge” before coming to it?

Where do I “put the other eggs” if I have only one basket?

Why does one “hit” the nail and also the sack?

Why I have to “jump” on the bandwagon, what if I have a bad knee? Can I just get on?

If I “let the cat out of the bag” will it let the “sleeping dog lie”?

If I “kill two birds with one stone”, what do I do with the second stone?

Why is it not “whole ten yards”? don’t we follow a decimal system?

Is there a “method to my madness” if I purposely “miss the boat”?

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Ostrov (The Russian word for Island)

We are all islands

I do not mean in the
Traditional sense
That we are isolated
Known only to ourselves

On the contrary
I mean we are all

If Wayne’s
Microwave emitter
Vaporizes the entire
Water supply of the world

One would see
That all the
“Islands “
Are actually connected!

So as much as we
Think we are each an island
Unto himself/herself

The fact is
We influence others

As much as others
Who influence us.

To assume that
We could live
In a vacuum

Is naive.

Friday, June 24, 2016

Penny wise and Pound foolish


Kept the
Image of
Omen of

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

To Mom, With Love (Inspired by To Sir, With Love)

Those young free days of playing games
And reading books are gone.
But in our minds we know
You would always live on and on.

But how do we thank someone
Who has forsaken her life for ours
It is never easy but we should try

If you wanted the moon
We would lasso it down for you
And drop it gently at your feet
To mom, with love.

The time has come now for packing bags
And all the weekend parties to end
And as you leave now in a while
We know our routine will go back to stale

A friend who taught us living from life
And what is unconditional love
And so much more in ways so subtle
And yet simple, oh aren’t you an angel?

If you wanted the moon
We would lasso it down for you
And drop it gently at your feet

To mom, with love.

Camouflage !

Often camouflaged
As over confidence
A canker nevertheless!

Often camouflaged
As frank and no-nonsense
An evil all the same!

Often camouflaged
As just in jest
A menace to be kept in control!

Often camouflaged
As pun and wit
A bane to be handled with care!

Often camouflaged
As need for speed
A plague to be treated with care!

Often camouflaged
As striving for perfection
A blight to be scorned!

Show respect
Stay positive
Keep smiling
Help others
For these need
No camouflaging !!!

Thursday, June 16, 2016

A Good Day !

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was my dog sleeping peacefully with its head on my calf.
Sometime during the night he must have crawled into his favourite position.
Managed to snuggle inside my duvet too!

Looked out of the window and saw the lush green forest with bright sunshine.
Too picture perfect to describe in mere words.

The coffee was perfect, more perfect than any possible coffee, as it was served with a smile that only my dear wife could produce, when she wants to ;)
Could hear my son sing in his bath!
My daughter sprang a surprise with her latest painting.

The traffic was light, thanks to living in a village and entering your office before the city begins!
The day at work was manageable as usual.
A colleague had her birthday, another had his daughter graduating, yet another was planning his vacation!
One brought a cake he had baked the previous night, swelling with pride! His first baking!!
Another had pictures on his mobile, of his latest bike, rattling off terms like number of gears, wheel dia in inches, suspension systems, gel padded seats…..

Lunch was as unpredictable as ever, with food from seven different homes (and countries !) laid on the table, albeit as delicious as ever.

Evening was consumed with a short burst of biking, tilling the garden and watering the plants.
Early dinner, retire to the cozy corner with Charles Bukowski and scream your throat dry watching Italy dismember Belgium.

Wife attending to one of her indescribable but inevitable acts of household,
Son busy moulding a hand out of POP
Daughter outlining a sketch of her next work; it appeared more like a horse with its head perched on its hind knees, and its tail originating from its belly walking on a bridge with a river flowing above the bridge and grass that was taller than the horse and a rider wearing a looking glass tie

She must have been listening to Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds in the afternoon :)

Went to bed to find that my dog had already cemented its position.
He was kind enough to move a micron to accommodate me!

As my head hit the pillow I realized that it is possible to have a good day

If I

Do not read the newspaper


Watch the news!

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Don't cry !

The day finally arrived
The summer camp

7 days of staying away!!

First time ever
Away from each other

I promised I would not cry
Decided to put a brave face
Laugh unnaturally, loudly

Stay strong at least till the bus leaves
Who will know the
Silent tears behind closed doors

Been practicing for a week
Even slept with lights on

And only five more minutes for the bus to leave

Let the bus leave
I will silently cry later
No one will ever know

Should not break down in front of all
All in vain

One look at the face
And I broke into tears
In front of all !!!!!

“There, there
Relax, it is just 5 days”

My son wiped my tears

And smiled 

Friday, June 10, 2016

Stanford Syndrome

Why should I make you understand
That my dress is a dress
Not an invitation !

Why should I make you understand
That my smile is a smile
Not an act of seduction !

Why should I make you understand
That I do something
Because I like doing it
Not offering myself on a platter !

Would you smash a window
Short fuse the wires
And drive away a
Parked Ferrari ?

Would you break into a home
Scatter the furniture
And walk away with a
Bose lifestyle ?

Would you make the bartender tipsy
And take advantage by
Walking away with a
50 year old Macallan Single Malt?

Would you sweet talk the salesperson
Disable the monitoring cameras
And walk out with
A BVLGARI necklace ?

Then what the fuck
Makes you think
That I am
Any less precious ?

Wednesday, June 8, 2016


Went to sleep thinking

About what would I


In the dream I was

Going to sleep wondering

What would I dream.

Woke up with a start.

Not sure if I woke up

From my dream


In my dream !

Thursday, June 2, 2016


Talk ill of my family
I forgive you!

Talk ill of me
I ignore you!!

Talk ill of my music or my friends
You are dead!!