I recently wrote a template to make the lives of cricket reporters easy by providing them with a ready-made write-up. All that will be needed is to cut and paste from the template depending on the result. I now try a similar task, this time for the editors to just pick from the following headlines after an incident.
When MNS, BSP, SP, Cong, BJP or anyone else runs riot and take law into their hands
· The Guilty Must Be Punished
· Lets Not Allow Talibanisation of
· Shame Thy Country!
· Indian Democracy Hangs its Head in Shame
· Goonda Raj!!
All these must be on the front page with a comment- Read the Editorial on page 15.
After a terrorist attack
· We Will Not Tolerate!
· Give a Fitting Response
· Peaceful Negotiation Must Be Pursued
· Mumbai’s Spirit Will Not Be Broken (Mumbai is the usual victim, else remember to change the city name)
· We Will Emerge Stronger
· The World Must Unite Against Terrorism
· A High Level Inquiry Committee Will Investigate says the PM
After yet another monsoon fury
· BMC caught napping
· Pre-monsoon promises washed away ( Add a photograph of flooded streets)
· Mumbai subways flooded (
Milan subway, the ever reliable!)
· Traffic comes to a standstill ( Preferably with some landmark seen in the background)
· Mumbai’s lifeline is paralyzed ( Another photograph with at least two trains with the flooded tracks in the foreground)
· Mumbai Marooned (King’s Circle!)
Here the same photographs that you have been using for the last 15 years can be repeated.
After yet another Olympics
· Billion dreams lie shattered
· Indian Hockey Team fails – Again!!
· Leander Paes misses Bronze!
· Ace shuttlers fail to serve!
· Lee-Hesh fails to put nation above self
India Can Not Win a Medal ?–
Special Report By Kapil L P Dhongra ( Eminent Sports Psychologist – If the pun
is noticed, you are good in proofreading)
After Andhra Faces yet another Cyclone
· Declare It As A National Calamity pleads Andhra CM*
· Relief Operation in full swing/ at war footing.
· Aerial Survey By PM and Andhra CM
· Losses Estimated at 20,000 crores.
· Spread of Infectious Diseases looms!
· Pandemic looms large!!
*- To the uninitiated – In case of a calamity the state does not have to return the aid to centre.
When a person of Indian origin wins any award
· So and So makes India Proud
· So and So , a person of Indian origin wins Nobel/Bigg Boss/ National Idol/ Ignoble/ Talent Hunt
· My Grandfather left
India in 1895 , says the winner
· I Visited Chennai in 1983 gushes the winner
· He was always smart – says the neighbour
· PM , President and others convey their congratulations
After heavy rains lash any city
· Met department forecasts heavy rains for next 48 hours
· It is due to south east /
north west depression says Met director
(Always remember that the depression should not be from a single direction)
· Nonseasonal rains destroy crops
· Essential commodities become dear after the nonseasonal rains
When someone wins in a game other than cricket
· So and So makes a cricket crazy country proud
should focus more on ……….. (Fill the category here) laments the new champion.
· I wish to get a reception similar to the one that our cricketers get quips the champion.
· This achievement is bigger than 1983 world cup says the coach.
The moral of the story is there is no escaping cricket in
Before the release of any movie
· The story is different says the director
· This is my best performance till date promises ………
· I have a small but significant role in the movie says ………
· It will be a complete entertainment for the whole family assures the producers (This is after the movie is granted a “A” certificate)
· Indian film industry had never attempted anything this big!!!
These are general guide lines.
An innovative editor can decorate this further.
All the punctuation marks, like the single exclamation mark (!) and the double exclamation marks (!!) are mandatory.
They have been tested and found to be effective over the past years.
In addition to this, there are other stories that are inevitable that are also seasonal.
Like when the results of the board are out you have to locate someone who performed despite the odds,
the Muslim who protected a Hindu boy during the riots,
the rickshaw driver who returned the bag containing valuables and cash,
the baby that survived miraculously after falling on tracks and coming under the train,
the child who falls into a bore well or an open drain,
the housing society that’s flooded and the society that stays without water for three weeks and so on.
These are so regular that no one reads these reports any more and hence are not that important.
In fact a new editor can hone his skills on these occurrences.
Hoping that the taxing job of an editor is made a little easier!!