Sunday, August 28, 2016

Cyber Yogi !!

I have seen the best part of my generation (thanks Howl ! ) spending their efforts, time and money seeking the perfect meditation technique that would set them free.

And fail.

I found an easier, surefire method. Absolutely free!!!!!

Going through your promotions, unwanted mails in your inbox and venturing into spam folders of your Gmail should be the perfect place to start (and end) the search.

And the best part; it is free!!

It moves my heart when I see Dr.Batra relentlessly expressing his concerns over my hair loss. And expressing sympathy. Suggesting various options available to restore my crown to its former hirsute glory.

And he hasn’t even met me.

A gentleman who has a very long name, and equally unpronounceable, begs almost every fortnight to let him deposit an obscene sum into my account. I tried writing the sum mentioned on a scrap of paper and I was stunned by the number of zeros that followed 761.

In USD.

In INR it was even more scary. I am left speechless.

He is not alone in this endeavor. He is given a stiff competition by a bloke from Barclay’s bank, someone who is associated with facebook lottery, another gent who represents HM the Queen from Royal Enfield and a last one from the troubled nation of Congo.

Having addressed my balding crown and pathetic bank balance the attention is now turned to more private affairs.

I, till date, have no clue about what makes these voluptuous women from Ukraine consider me worthy of their carnal propositions. And boy are they ever discreet? They, probably rightly, assume that a man with a balding crown and pathetic bank balance is not bright on grey cells and spell out their intentions in lurid details. And they have such fancy links peppered with $, & and # signs and with some strange alphabets thrown in.

The last in this sequence is a logical extension. Unheard of pharma companies offer me Viagra without prescriptions and a whole lot cheaper. I am completely flabbergasted by the concern shown by these pharma firms, who must have diligently followed my mails and realized the need once they have encountered the offers from the Ukrainian damsels. Imagine a global industry spending time on attending to a single man’s need.

Lesson learnt: Wary of unrequested assistance.

When you have the will power to control your temptations and manage to send these to the trash bins, you are on the road to what some fancy meditation course offered by a saffron clad guru could probably achieve.

And what is more, you have saved a great amount of money too.

The next in line is the self-appointed matrimonial sites who had decided that my married life is heading towards a disaster and decide to act before the calamity happens. Their benevolent heart can’t begin to fathom my miserable life after years of conjugal bliss and they offer me a wide spectrum of brides. It surprises me to look at the variety of women available, ready to marry me at the first yes from me. These sites express their grief when one of the offered brides is taken by another person.

I repeat their banshee cry “Krishna, members of your community are stealing your brides”.

Believe me, it is not an exaggeration. They advise that speed is the essence.
Lesson learnt : One in hand is better than two in bush. (No pun intended)

There ! In a matter of under 30 minutes you have been able to resist two best temptations known to humankind. Money and women.

If you are a diligent browser of all your mails without ruthlessly dismissing them, your chances of more such experiences increase. All of them help you become a better person. The more temptations you are successfully able to resist, the stronger an entity that emerges.

Free movie tickets, earn more interest, 95% discount sales, free goods worth more than what you shop for, …. The list is virtually endless.

Plus the cyber temptations are now in an advanced stage of playing the seductress.

Try this.

Go to Google and search, just an example, flight tickets from Prague to Kilimanjaro.

Sit back and watch the fun!


For the next few months, advertisement  offers of fly cheap from Prague to Kilimanjaro pop up on whatever you browse.

You will be reading the match report of Manchester United scoring a dramatic Fergie Time winner and Bam! A pop up from Cheap Air offering you a return flight for 400 €!

In the middle of watching Oliver skewering Trump, WHAM ! an ad break offering the same cheap air tickets at an even lower price.

At the end of it all you emerge stronger!
And become a Cyber Yogi !
Impervious  to all that the world can throw at you!


2 comments:

  1. Hi stranger.Loved the ' Cyber Yogi".I absolutely relate to it.Sure shot stress buster for me.Of course,I let go of the " millions won in lottery" with a heavy heart.Who knows what might have been!😃

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Chitra - What might have been - precisely :)

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