Saturday, July 16, 2011

Madras Explained

I am from Madras. A few clarifications, facts, notes etc.

  • Madras is not the whole of South India; it’s just a part of it.
  • We are probably the people who coined the term “Eggetarian
  • Our politicians always win in a landslide victory. Moderation is not our middle name.
  • The cycle is fairly simple. One loots. Then loots more. We get tired. We elect another. Another one loots. Then loots more. We get tired. Then we elect the first one again. Play this on an endless loop.
  • People from my state DO NOT speak Hindi like Mehmood. Only he does!!
  • In fact, we do not speak Hindi.
  • When we do speak, you will wish we did not.
  • You have to choose between Rajni and Kamal. You can not like both.
  • In the past it was between MGR and Shivaji.
  • Chappathy (Roti) or Baroatta (paranthas) is“Tiffin”, never a full meal or part of a meal.
  • Nothing beats Filter Kaapi.
  • No, we DO NOT use coconut oil in cooking.
  • We can order Vegetable Hamburger
  • We read the entire menu and order Idli and Vada
  • We read the entire menu and order Naan and Panner Makhanwala
  • Every single time
  • We can pronounce H as H only when a word starts with that letter; in all other instances it is G.
  • Women do not find anything wrong in walking up to the end of the street in their night dress. (The one that looks similar to what Jayalalitha wears)
  • If she can wear it to the office, why can not we……
  • Two Tamilians will ALWAYS talk to each other in English
  • In marriage alliance vocabulary the complexion of a girl is never black or fair; its always “like the colour of a mango” – Go Figure!
  • Etc. is pronounced as “exetera”
  • It is all right to wear goggles in the night time.
  • Many in my state still believe that Indira Gandhi was the daughter in law of M K Gandhi
  • We buy a 72 piece Porcelain dinner set and lock it away.
  • Gift for a boy is pencil box; for girl frock.
  • Gift for a man is a Parker pen; for a woman sari.
  • Best spinner is Venkatraghavan.
  • Best batsman is Srikanth
  • Best umpire is Venkatraghavan.
  • Every home has a vacuum cleaner that is NEVER used.
  • We will buy all the best sellers and the award winning books, but will read only The Hindu
  • The driest region will have rains on Diwali.
  • We take our children to Marina beach and ask them not to get into the sea.
  • Our names must have at least one god’s name
  • A visit to a temple qualifies as an outing.
  • We like to put a cover on everything; sofas, tables, chairs, car seats, cars, scooter seats, scooters, tape recorders, mixer, grinder…………
  • We do not remove airline tags from our luggage.
  • Most of us have seen Sholay and DDLJ and understood them without knowing Hindi.

4 comments:

  1. u are unduly biased there are many things which every one does not only tamilians
    and i will add one more to it. only tamilians will be insensitive to insult their own people even in public.punjabis eat chole all the time,but they never say like this, infact they will be proud in saying that they have paratha or chole .only we insult us as idli sambar.atleast we appreciate hindi movies and try to understand it .tell me how many north indians really watch a madrasi movie.we are our own enemy .regarding language atleast we speak in english ,or the language comfortable to the person in the group ,others community people (sorry for sounding rude)irrespective of who is satnding next to them will switch over to their mother tongue
    finally every one has their own plus and minus.only we MADRASSIS expose our weak point, to be in the crowd

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  2. Nothing beats Filter Kaapi.

    It's a commandment.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mangala,

    I can add one plus point in favour of Madrasis i.e. they (people like Kishan) are honest to admit their qualities (both types). BTW, I did not know this side of yours - like Mrs. Patankar - Jhansi Ki Rani!

    ReplyDelete